A piece in pure humour

Iyengar Airlines is a piece I wrote, long before I even started blogging. I wrote it in PURE HUMOUR and JEST, after reading a somewhat similar concept. This is just a concept and framework to make us all understand about one of the variety of sects in our country and their specific qualities and qualifications!!
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IYENGAR AIRLINES - IGA

Insignia : TirumaN - on the tail piece , One side Tenkalai (Y) and the other side Vadakalai (U). (No conflicts)

Headquarters : Chennai

Inaugural Flight - IGA - 8 - Chennai to Tirupati (8 - Ahstaksharam, significant to Iyengars)

International Flight - IGA -108 - Chennai to Pittsburgh (108- significant because of Divya Deshams)

Crew : Airhostesses : adorning Andal Kondai ( normal or 9 yards- Iyengar style) as per marital status, with Srichurnam on forehead . Stewards :Veshti or panchakacham( as per marital status), with TirumaN. There will be four of them with both styles TirumaN in equal numbers. Only full TirumaNs allowed.

Accessories : Tiruman Petti, with red, yellow-orange srichurnam. (Yellow-orange for specific vadakalai requirements). Sthali or Ramanujan (popularly known as panchapaatram), thattu, Sombu ( typically iyengar style), Velli tumbler. ( No udhrani)

Menu : Pazham, Sarkkarai, Tirukannamudhu, Sakkarapongal, Akkaradisil, Pooshnikkai Pulikutthi kootu(mocchai optional on gastronomical health reasons), Kathirikkai Karamadhu, Paruppu araccha kothavarangai karamadhu, Thayir vadai, Mor Kuzhambhu, Vendaya Kuzhambhu, (kuzhambu also called - neLi karamadhu), Sathamadhu, VenPongal, Puliyodarai, Ellorai, Thayir, Prasaadam (steamed rice, popularly saadam). Teertham (drinking water) in velli tumbler.

Snacks : Kaara Sev, Mixture, Laddoo, Thenguzhal, Senai varuval, vazhakkai varuval, sundal. On Sri Jayanti day - uppu and vella seedai, thenguzhal, appam, manoppu, ribbon.

Tiffin : Kanchipuram Idli - chutney, Kovil Dosai, Arisi uppuma

Drinks : Filter kapi, Chunda kaichina paal, Panakam -(definitely on Swati Nakshatram and Sri Rama Navami), Neer Moru (definitely on Sri Rama Navami).

Inflight interior decoration : A composite photo of all the 108 Divya Deshams, Tiruvengadamudaiyan, Ranganathar, Devaperumal (kanchi varadar), Lakshmi Narasimhar, Parthasarathy, Andal, Ramanuja, Desika, Manavala Maamuni. A composite picture of all the Azhwars. Periya Tiruvadi Garudazhwan and Siriya Tiruvadi Hanuman.

Seating Arrangements : One row for tenkalais , then the aisle , the other row for vadakalais. The picture of Manavala Maamuni and Desika will be strategically placed to face the respective rows.

Enlightened entertainment options :

Slokams : Nalayiram (kovil bani) , Vishnu sahasranamam, Lakshmi sahasranamam - (a taped recitation by both a U and Y priest together).

Music : carnatic music ( tapes of music only on Vishnu, rendered only by Iyengar musicians like Ariyakudi Ramanuja Iyengarval, T N Seshagopalan, R.Vedavalli, Sudha Raghunathan)

Freebies : each one will be given a copy of Tenkalai, Vadakalai Nityaanusandhanam (Liffco) publication book and a small book of Tiruppavais.

Announcements by Chief Airhostess : Adiyen Kodhai : Devareer ELLnaa. Ubhaya Vedantacharyargalai, ezhundaruli irukkum Srivaishnava periavargalukku, dhandan samarpitha vinnapam. Indha IGA -8 in mukhya, Captain : andha Sriyaphpathiyaana Sriman Naarayanane!! . Co-pilots : Jivaatmaakkalaana, Sri Rangarajan, Sri Aaraavamudhan. Rukmini, Andal , Kodhai, Bhama endru naalu airhostesses irukkirargal. Chakravarthy : Chief Steward . Tirumalai, Gopalan, Vasudevan endru mundru steward irukkirargal. Inge yaatrigalaai irukkum anaithu Srivaishnavargalukkum, endha sevaiyum purivadharkke, Daasanaai kaathukkondirukkirom.

Ippozhudhu, ellorumaaga, serndhu Perumalai sevipom : (In chorus) - Sri Padmavati Sametha Sri Srinivasa Parabrahmane namaha. Sri Ranganayaki Sametha Sri Ranganathaaya namaha. Sri Perundevi Thaayar sametha Sri Devaraja Swamine namaha. Sri Rukmini sametha Sri Parthasarathy Swamine namaha. Sri Lakshminrusimha Parabrahmane namaha.Srimathe Ramanujaaya Namaha. Azwar Acharyal Tiruvadigale Sharanam.

Adutha padiyaaga, ellorum koodi Pallandu Pallandu, Cittransirukkale, Vanga Kadal sevitha vudan, Perumalukku, pazham paal kandarulapaNNapadum. Ellorum vayinaal padi, manadhinaal sindhithu Perumalin anugrahathai pera venumai prarthikkirom.

Ellorum , sealt belt pottukonde, Om Namo Narayanaya, Sriman Narayana Charanou, Sharanam Prapadhye endru sollavum.

Emergency Instructions : Ellame Perumaal Paarthuppaar.!!! Anaalum, engal kadamai endru onru irukkiradhu. Adhanaal, inge irukkum ella Srivaishnava yaatrigalum thangal Tiruchevi satthi gavanamaaga ketka vendum enru prarthikkirom.

For Emergency Landings :

Bhoomiyil iranginal : Bhudevi Nachiyaaraiyum, Bhuvaraharaiyum, nanraaga sevithukkolungal. Bhayam illamal irangi vidalaam.

Kadalil iranginal : Safety jacket ii maatti kondu, Andha Sriyaphpatiyaana, Paarkadalil Palli kondirukkum, Sriman Narayananai prarthithu kadalil iranga vendum. Sariyagi vidum.

Kaatril Sikkikondal : Periya Tiruvadiyaana Garudazhwanaiyum, Siriya Tiruvadiyaana Vayuputranaagiya Sri Anjaneyanaiyum sevithukkolungal. Onrum agaadhu.

Hijack Pannapattaal : Sri Lakshmi Narasimharaiyum, Sri Chakrathazhwaraiyum oru manadhudan dhyaanithaal, asurargal maandu povaargal. Nimadhiyaaga irukkalam.

Malayil iranginal : Govinda, Malayappa, Tiruvengadmudaiyane enru urakka sonnaal, udane, phalan kittum.

Edhu eppadi irundhalum, bhayam edharkku? Sri Vaishnavargalukku Moksham Nischayam !!!

Ellam seer thiruthi amaithullom, eninum Pizhai alladhu kuttram irundhaal Kshamikka venum enru prarthikirom. Om Namo Narayaanaaya !
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Thereafter, the doors are armed, the flight takes off and the plane lands in Tirupati safely !!!!!

Everybody ( in chorus) : Perumale, nee dhaan appa, ennai bhadramaaga kondu serthai.. Nee Pallandu vaazgha !!!

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